Tuesday 15th January
The wind throughout my stay was phenomenal. I had to ask a member of staff if the wind was always like this as it seemed surprisingly strong and blustery. I loved the wind, it reminded me that change is always coming, the past is being blown away and the present is sweeping in. Gerry mentioned and re-enacted 'the before and after' faces of guests at plant integration that afternoon. He must have seen so many, and they were all like this woman’s after the first ceremony. From slightly nervous....to THIS.
The next morning I did really notice it at breakfast, it was like everyone had a bloody good face lift overnight (probably performed by the minions with their small dexterous hands, the giants would of been a bit clumsy and I don't think the praying mantices would have the patience or speed, actually they look pretty patient. I forgot to mention that they too perform celestial surgeries), so, a good face lift...or a ride in a g-force wind tunnel. What I noticed most was the clearness of everybody's eyes.
The 7am yoga ended very powerfully, with a vision of Vince and my father too, this time, larking about on the Labrynth. They then lay each side of me and held my hand in Svanasana. In the 'Answer is You' workshop I noted to embrace and love my dark side, to love my ego.
I went to the beach in my free time. I had planned to spread my father's ashes by the ocean. Since his cremation, I had taken his ashes with me whenever I travelled. He loved to travel so it felt like a good way to spread him around the globe. There were shuttles laid on by the resort every hour or so and I caught a ride with Rob. If you'd like a visual, Rob could have been Richard Gere's twin brother. An interesting and articulate man who was very respectful. He left me to spread the ashes while he went to the shop at the hotel by the beach. He suggested that emptying the urn was allowing it to be filled with more of something else, love perhaps. I will always be thankful for that thoughtful observation. Thank you Rob. The beach was hot, hot, hot. Burn your feet hot, so I didn't stay long, took a quick swim and made my way back to the shuttle.
There were these amazing grey prehistoric pelicans swooping for fish by the shore, straight out of Jurassic Park.
The ceremony began at 5.30. This time it was led by Scotty, a very unassuming humble shaman who laughed after every sentence. (I was a bit annoyed by this, I don't know why, maybe because it reminded me of Beavis and Butthead) I recognised him as one of the angel helpers who had sat right opposite my bed in the first ceremony. He wore rattles. I thought this was genius, I had a rattle that I used with my mesa work. Wearing a rattle on the body, would be a hands free bonus, a quick wiggle was all it needed. Actually I do know why I was annoyed. My ego mind had started working a number on me, it knew the game was up and it was losing control. I was noticing all the things that were winding me up. A lot of this writing is a reflection of my ego mind ranting, take no notice of it. I didn't, well I did, because it was interesting to me. I was learning to have compassion for it.
My bed was the one I had first choice for the previous night. It wasn't the best as it was right under the air con. Gerry mentioned that you could get extremely hot or extremely cold. I got the latter. I was shivering most of the time, but also hot when the wind kicked up. The wind was connecting everything. When it swept through the hall, people would start throwing up, screaming, laughing, sighing, yawning, Sherlock Holmes would start hmmming etc... the dogs would start barking...the rattles and shamanic fans would begin. I recognised the finger clicking and sucking and blowing of air, from the shamanic course I had studied. The clicking was to seal energy, the sucking was to sweep or suck the energy out (sucking disease, sickness or cancer out the body} the blowing was the transferring of sacred energy. What was incredible also was the connection between everyone, when someone was retching, there was a kind of willing or support for their process. When they finally purged it was a huge relief, everybody relaxed, like they were doing it for everybody's healing process. It was extraordinarily moving.
My baggage this night was an actual bag, that an ex lover had designed. He was a jewellery designer and a beautiful pianist. I had first encountered him by way of his piano skills. I had walked into a meeting where I heard the most electrifying honky tonk piano playing coming from the room next door, I had goosebumps. What is that?!! I exclaimed to myself. It stopped, the door opened and in walked this drizzling chisel cheek boned creature in sari pants and a denim jacket beaded and plaited to perfection...WHO is that?!!! I exclaimed more to myself. I was never the same again after that meeting. It was fitting then that our souls met in ceremony that night, in the beautiful song by Medicine for the People and that the relationship felt healed and resolved. He was playing in this piece, on a piano in the sky, he looked very happy.
This clip from the movie Eat Pray Love and the following extract from the book explains what happened very well... 'I dropped into meditation and waited to be told what to do. I don't know how many minutes or hours passed before I knew what to do. I realised I'd been thinking about this all too literally. I'd been wanting to talk to my ex-lover? So talk to him. Talk to him right now. I'd been waiting to be offered forgiveness? Offer it up personally then. Right now. I thought of how many people go to their graves unforgiven and unforgiving. I thought of how many people have had siblings or friends or children or lovers disappear from their lives before precious words of clemency or absolution could be passed along. How do the survivors of terminated relationships ever endure the pain of unfinished business? From that place of meditation I found the answer - you can finish the business yourself, from within yourself. It's not only possible, it's essential.' - Elizabeth Gilbert.
I purged that night. What I remember more, was pulling stuff out of my stomach, like a long coil. I remember feeling really nauseous, and felt that it if I started pulling this coil out, the nausea would stop. I heard my name whispered in my left ear twice. It was a woman's voice. I was also feeling a lot of whirring and buzzing in my brain, like things were being repaired up there. This was what the night's drawing turned up. There looks like a backwards 'love' in there somewhere.
This clip is what it felt like to try and move my body during ceremony. I love the fact that Kneau's character completely ignores Regina Jackson, the secretary of the state of defence of the USA, and is more concerned with how he's going to work his new body. I hoped I would of done the same, if I ever got the chance to ignore a USA state of defence secretary.
Drinking water and walking was a challenge. I always lost my footing when trying to step outside and nearly fell over when I looked up at the moon and the stars, it was that breathtaking.
I had started to cramp in my calves so I went onto the deck to to some yoga. People were allowed to pull their mattresses outside but not go beyond the hammocks. The shaman wanted everyone to feel safe. Plus wandering off on your own and coming across a mirror would have indeed been quite something.